Meds and Me

Alright guys, it’s confession time.

I haven’t written anything in weeks.

Thank goodness for me, I had a bit of a backlog, but it was driving me crazy trying to figure out what was causing my “writer’s block”.

At first I figured everyone gets a little burned out, and I didn’t worry, but as the days and weeks went on, I started getting really anxious that I’d lost my writing chops.

That anxiety should have clued me in. But even though I’ve had anxiety since I was a tiny human (my family jokes that I started stress biting my nails the day my little sister came home from the hospital), I didn’t recognize it this time.

And that should be a good thing! It proves that I’m so well medicated, that I’m not used to being an anxious wreck anymore.

Once I realized that, I knew what happen. My psychiatrist wanted to try decreasing one of my anxiety meds, and since I do up pills two weeks at a time (it makes sense when you take 22 pills a day), I didn’t correlate the med decrease with the crippling anxiety I’ve been feeling.

I’ve been anxious about writing. About going back to school and deciding on a career. I worry that my wife will die. I worry that I’m wasting my life. I’m worried about getting old. I’m worried about dying. And about not dying. Sigh.

So clearly, the medication is going back up where it was. Depending on how things go, I may be quiet for a little while. I figure blogs are for honesty, so here I am.

5 thoughts on “Meds and Me

  1. Sorry to hear you have been more anxious recently and it has you worried. Easier said than done, but try not to get anxious about not writing anything or getting writer’s block. It happens to us writers all time. I know I go through it and every time it makes me anxious even though the block always ends eventually. Don’t stress though at all about not writing on your blog etc, your loyal readers and followers like myself will be here when you return. Even if it is months later. Haha. I don’t unfollow people who are not consistent enough, because life happens. I think it’s sad some people do, like yo my blog does not earn me a living yet and don’t know if it ever will, that is not why I joined wordpress I do have a life outside of blogging. As much as I’d love to sit on wordpress everyday, it just isn’t possible especially with things like my anxiety etc. So yes don’t worry about it. I hope you feel better soon and your meds get sorted out again so you are not a ball of anxiety. Anxiety sucks!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Something that helps me escape writer’s block is to write little drafts or in my notebook about anything even if it makes no sense or has nothing to do with anything. Lol I dunno, that and taking care of things like my anxiety. If I am too anxious I can\t write because my brain feels broken. 😦

    Liked by 1 person

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