Hope

I’m back in Physical Therapy!

This is exciting, folks, because after a few more weeks of hip strengthening, I get to move on to the good stuff: Exercise Therapy!

As I think I’ve mentioned before, I have a neurological condition, a type of Dysautonomia call Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome. I challenge you to say that three times fast. It’s impossible, which is why we tend to refer to it as POTS.

It’s a problem with my Autonomic Nervous System, which causes body functions like heart rate, digestion, and blood pressure to function incorrectly. My biggest issue is that my body doesn’t pump blood efficiently, and often times I end up with too much blood pooling in my legs and feet, and not enough blood in my heart and brain.

Do you know what happens when there’s not enough blood in your brain?

You faint. And in the case of people like me who have POTS, you faint a lot. I have trouble stand or walking for any period of time, because my heart rate skyrockets, I get incredibly dizzy, and if I don’t find a place to sit fast, you guessed it, I’m on the floor.

So what does this have to do with Physical Therapy?

Regular exercise is one of the best things for POTS, but it’s problematic because exercise raises your heart rate, and raises your fainting risk, and no one wants you to faint on a treadmill.

I’ve tried to start exercising on my own before, with little success, which is why I’m so excited to start the Levine Exercise Protocol with my physical therapist.

The idea of it fills me with hope.

I’ve been severely disabled by POTS for years now, and if exercise therapy can get me healthier and keep me stable, there’s so many things that I can do!

I was an active person. I was a running-jumping-climbing trees sort of kid, and as an adult, there have been so many things that I want to do- so many things that I want to try- if only POTS wasn’t holding me back.

Jess and I have been making a list, which includes but is not limited to: hiking, rock climbing, curling, ice skating, disk golf, longboarding, and gardening.

I’ve been vibrating with excitement. The whole idea of exercising freaks me out though, because raising my heart rate is so uncomfortable. But the idea of all the things that I could do is starting to smother that anxiety.

I’ve made a good life for myself that matches my abilities. I knit, I play board games, I read. And for the most part I’m satisfied with all of these, although being so sedentary makes me sad sometimes. On nice days I so wish that I could be out in the sunshine, doing more than just sitting.

And now that there’s a light at the end of the tunnel, I’m letting myself hope. It won’t fix me, but even raising my physical abilities slightly opens so many doors.

I know from experience that this is going to be hard. I’m going to be utterly miserable in the beginning, and I won’t want to continue, which is partially why I’m putting my feelings out there for the whole internet to see. Hopefully coming back here and seeing my optimistic rantings can blast through the sucky parts so I can remember how excited past me was.

So. To crabby, exhausted, future me: remember the future that we want, and most importantly, have hope!

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