Why Am I Here?

No seriously, do you know why I’m in the kitchen? Because I don’t.

I may joke about a lot about being old, it’s mostly a product of having spent the past few years mostly surrounded by people who are 5+ years younger than me. On one hand, this is great, I get to keep up with what’s new and popular, but on the other hand, people tend to assume that I’m about 22. It’s flattering (I think).

I know that I’ve said before that nothing makes you feel older than foot pain, and I stand behind that, but I’d like to add an addendum that says that memory loss also makes you feel infuriatingly old. No matter what my intrusive thoughts say I know that I don’t have any super weird and rare medical thing going on. My trouble remembering stuff is a combination of mental health issues and totally normal aging.

Still, I say “I don’t remember that” an awful lot these days.

I don’t remember a lot of things these days. I can’t remember if I fed the dog or not, I can’t remember what I had for lunch. I certainly can’t remember why on earth I’m in the bedroom and I can’t remember where I left my book. Actually, those last two could be related. If challenged, I can only remember what I just said about fifty percent of the time and can remember what you said even less of the time.

I had troubles galore during the FIFA Women’s World Cup remembering which countries were in which group. This would normally be something that I’d take great joy in memorizing but while was I sure that Norway had just played Nigeria, I couldn’t for the life of me remember what the other two teams were in Group A. I’m sure you’re hanging on the edges of your seats with me so I’m happy to inform you that the other two Group A teams were France and South Korea.

For me, this whole thing is more of an annoyance than anything else, but like everything else about being in a marriage, Jess is affected too, and I feel bad about that. We’re not the sort to bicker about everything but there was some general crankiness on both sides before we realized that I was missing some key memories.

So, theory time. We all know that my hearing is not great thanks to super calcified eardrums, could it be that I’m simply not hearing things? That covers some stuff, but it doesn’t explain why I forget where I’m going or what I was doing. My quality of sleep has suffered greatly with the breathing troubles, but I have doubts that sleeplessness could be that big of a factor.

I could be losing my mind. It could be alien abductions. Hypnotism is always a possibility.

No matter what, I feel like I’m going crazy, which is so frustrating because up until recently I’ve been feeling decidedly less crazy than usual. And honestly, if I was going to pick a crazy, I’d do something cool like Synesthesia, not Forgets Just Enough to Be Annoying Disorder (not a real disorder).

I suppose that until this thing sorts itself out, I can just remind myself that Neville Longbottom had a terrible memory too and he turned out pretty awesome.

 

 

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