Self Love Playlist

List Wednesday is going to be a little different this week, as the list is technically very long. I love music, and the right song (or songs), can make me feel empowered. There’s nothing like blasting a song and singing along at the top of your lungs to make you feel the love- the self love.

I made a Spotify playlist of some of my favorites. It’s collaborative , so if you have a favorite, feel free to add it and let me know in the comments!

If you don’t have access to Spotify, here’s the contents of the playlist!

  1. I’m Good- The Mowgli’s
  2. King of Anything- Sara Bareillesd
  3. Everybody- Ingrid Michaelson
  4. Born This Way- Lady Gaga
  5. I Like Giants- Kimya Dawson
  6. Transgender Dysphoria Blues- Against Me!
  7. You Learn- Alanis Morissette
  8. Confident- Demi Lovato
  9. Unpretty- TLC
  10. Superwoman- Alicia Keys
  11. Beautiful- Christina Aguilera
  12. F*ckin’ Perfect- P!nk
  13. Freckles- Natasha Bedingfield
  14. How Far I’ll Go- Auli’i Cravalho
  15. Love Myself- Hailee Steinfeld
  16. Try- Colbie Caillat
  17. Stronger- Britney Spears
  18. Let It Go- Idena Menzel
  19. Reflection- Lea Salonga
  20. Roar- Katie Perry
  21. Brave- Sara Bareilles
  22. Girl On Fire- Alicia Keys
  23. I Am Not My Hair- India Arie
  24. Be OK- Ingrid Michaelson
  25. Happy- Pharrell Williams
  26. True Colors- Cyndi Lauper
  27. Don’t Be Shy- Cat Stevens
  28. Greatest Love of All- Whitney Houston
  29. I Got This- Jennifer Hudson
  30. Fly- Avril Lavigne

Hope you enjoy some of these, crank up the tunes and have a virtual dance party for me!

And a Meltdown in a Pear Tree

Merry Christmas Everyone! Or for anyone that doesn’t celebrate Christmas, Happy Belated Hanukah,  late Solstice, early Kwanza, and a Very Happy December 25th!

I think no matter what you celebrate, The 12 Days of Christmas carol is probably something that you’ve heard. The math has been done, and to purchase all 12 days of gifts would cost you almost $35,000!

I’ve replace the drummers, pipers, lords and ladies, the maids, the swans, and the geese, the gold rings, the calling birds, French hens, turtle doves, and the partridge with things that are a little more relatable!

So I present to you-

The Twelve Days of Autism 

On the First day of Christmas, Autism gave to me, A meltdown in a pear tree

On the Second day of Christmas, Autism gave to me, two info-dumps, and a meltdown in a pear tree

On the Third day of Christmas, Autism gave to me, three routines, two info-dumps, and a meltdown in a pear tree

On the Fourth day of Christmas, Autism gave to me, four social rules, three routines, two info-dumps, and a meltdown in a pear tree

On the Fifth day of Christmas, Autism gave to me, five same-foods. four social rules, three routines, two info-dumps, and a meltdown in a pear tree

On the Sixth day of Christmas, Autism gave to me, six different stim toys, five same-foods, four social rules, three routines, two info-dumps, and a meltdown in a pear tree

On the Seventh day of Christmas, Autism gave to me, seven special interests, six different stim toys, five same-foods, four social rules, three routines, two info-dumps, and a meltdown in a pear tree

On the Eighth day of Christmas, Autism gave to me, eight kinds of chewelry, seven special interests, six different stim toys, five same-foods, four social rules, three routines, two info-dumps, and a meltdown in a pear tree

On the Ninth day of Christmas, Autism gave to me, nine ear defenders, eight kinds of chewelry, seven special interests, six different stim toys, five same-foods, four social rules, three routines, two info-dumps, and a meltdown in a pear tree

On the Tenth day of Christmas, Autism gave to me, ten tag-less t-shirts, nine ear defenders, eight kinds of chewelry, seven special interests, six different stim toys, five same-foods, four social rules three routines, two info-dumps, and a meltdown in a pear tree

On the Eleventh day of Christmas, Autism gave to me, eleven hands a flapping, Ten tag-less t-shirts, nine ear defenders, eight kinds of chewelry, seven special interests, six different stim toys, five same-foods, four social rules, three routines, two info-dumps, and a meltdown in a pear tree

On the Twelfth day of Christmas, Autism gave to me,  Twelve weighted blankets, Eleven hands a flapping, Ten tag-less t-shirts, Nine ear defenders, Eight kinds of chewelry, Seven special interests, Six different stim toys, Five same-foods, Four social rules, Three routines, Two info-dumps, And a meltdown in a pear tree.

Happy Winter Holidays everyone, I hope you’re relaxing, eating good food, and enjoying time with people that make you happy.

6 Songs I Love to Stim To

I am one of those people who always need noise. Silence is painful for me, so I always have the TV, or music, or a podcast on. I like noise than is in my control. What I don’t like is being in crowded areas with lots of people. I don’t like engines revving or thunder or alarms. I use music to drown these things out and hopefully avoid a meltdown. I also use stimmy music to gain energy, focus, and calmness. I usually gravitate toward songs with high BPMs, fast lyrics, and strong percussion. The lyrics are like my brain, black and white, they either don’t matter at all, or they matter greatly. I carry headphones with me everywhere, so I always have my music when I need it.

What’s My Age Again: This is my main stim song. 158 bpm of pop punk perfection, this is my go to for almost any occasion. The words are kind of weird if listen to them, so for the most part, I don’t, except for the line ‘Why would you wish that on me, I’ll never want to act my age’, which I appreciate because no matter what my age is, I never manage to act it.

We Didn’t Start the Fire: This one is a classic, and appeals to the history buff in me. I was also fascinated by the fast that someone could manage to write a song with so many events in it, in historical order. The lyrics are fast, they’re fun to research later, and the chorus is fun to sing and bounce around to.

It’s the End of the World as We Know It: R.E.M. is great. I think most people can agree on that one. I heard this song before it was easy to look lyrics up on the internet and it took me years to get it all down. It’s one of my greatest accomplishments. This is another song with fast lyrics, so fast that I can’t hear my brain think, which is really nice sometimes.

True Trans Rebel Soul: This song is by a band called Against Me!, and it’s hard to describe how I feel about it. The album it comes from, Transgender Dysphoria Blues, is amazing, and to hear it done live squeezes my heart. This band was a favorite of mine from high school, and they while they already had tons of punk rock fans, they got tons of new ones when their front man (now woman!) came out as Trans, and released this album. This is a song I blast, that I can feel through my whole body, that I scream along to. It’s a good feeling, trust me.

I Bet My Life: I’m not sure why I like this song so much. To be entirely frank, I’m not really an Imagine Dragons fan, but for whatever reason, when this song comes up on a playlist, I end up turning the volume all the way up and listening to it a dozen times in a row. This is one where lyrics are important. Sometimes I find it easier to communicate through music than through words. I include this on an ‘I’m Sorry’ CD to my wife when I was in treatment. I still feel guilty about the way I acted when I was in my eating disorder, and when that guilt gets unbearable, this song lets me say sorry over and over again. It’s also in my tiny vocal range, which I don’t have to tell you is really satisfying.

Hallelujah: Everyone knows this song. It’s been covered dozens of times, so there’s a version for every mood. My favorites are the versions by KD Lang, Rufus Wainwright, and Jeff Buckley. This song makes me feel warm, and connected, and it’s really good when played loud. It’s one of my goals in life to master the finger-style version on my guitar. The song is mournful, but for some reason, it doesn’t feel that way to me. I like that if I choose to focus on the lyrics, they’re open to interpretation, and if I don’t, the 4th the 5th still sound good, feel good, are good.

As always, I’d love to hear your stim songs so I can expand my list! So if you’ve got one that means a lot to you, or you think is just perfect, leave it in the comments! If we get enough, we could make a Spotify playlist that everyone can enjoy!

The Buddy Song

So about a month ago, I had a very bad day. All of the things that I usually manage pretty well were just off the charts. Every little sensory thing was bothering me, I was rigid about anything and everything, and I was semi-verbal at best. Not that any of that is inherently bad, but it made me really stressed out. And my wife, well, over the years, she’s learned a lot about the best ways to help me on days like this. And even as overwhelmed as I was, I also held a strong feeling of appreciation towards her. Because she’s awesome. The next day, when I got my words back, I made a declaration to myself. I’m going to write a poem! It’ll be a deep and meaningful spoken word piece, and it’ll say everything that I’m thinking and feeling.

Yeah. So that didn’t happen. It turns out that I’m less of a deep spoken word poet and more of a bouncy rhyming couplets sort of poet. I fought the rhymes for a while, but eventually I gave in. It still basically said what I wanted, and after my wife read it, she immediately declared that it would make a great song. So we broke out the ukulele, she figured out some vocals, and pretty soon, we had a bouncy, rhyming, 4 chord song. Which I never planned to let anyone hear. I bet you can guess how long that lasted.

I ended up playing it at church this morning, during a service about how to be welcoming. I read a poem for a member of my young adult’s group. He is a much better poet than I, but is also nonverbal, so he usually asks someone to read for him. His poem lead into my song well, and I think the two of us did a really good job representing the Neurodivergant Community. I also got to talk to a few parents of autistic kids, which was really cool! Anyway, here’s a video of the song (I’m the one with the ukulele hiding behind the music stand. My wife Jess is the one with the awesome voice.), and lyrics below.

Introduction

Our people don’t realize what they do for us sometimes

They know how to communicate with us

They can tell our happy flaps from our anxious flaps

They know that the blue bowls are only for cereal

They can interact with the world- then filter it for us

They are there when we need them

(And hopefully they feel the same way)

 

The Buddy Song

Do you have your buddy

It doesn’t matter who

What’s nice about a buddy

Is they really care for you

 

Do you have your buddy

Interpreter and spy

Without their information

   You’d be left just asking why

 

Chorus:

Buddies walk through life with you

But you will share things with them too

The ups and downs, the tears and fights

You stick together, wrong or right

 

Do you have your buddy

And do they understand

That being someone’s buddy

Is exploring a new land

 

Do you have your buddy

The one with magic powers

Their wand sends meltdowns far away

They never think to cower

 

Chorus:

Buddies walk through life with you

But you will share things with them too

The ups and downs, the tears and fights

You stick together, wrong or right

 

Do you have your buddy

And do you think they know

That you’re as lost as they are

And you both just want to go

 

Do you have your buddy

A mom or spouse or friend

Yes they love you even if

Your struggles never end

 

Chorus:

Buddies walk through life with you

But you will share things with them too

The ups and downs, the tears and fights

You stick together, wrong or right

 

I can be your buddy

I hope that means that I

Can show you things through my eyes

Things you’d otherwise pass by

 

Chorus:

Buddies walk through life with you

But you will share things with them too

The ups and downs, the tears and fights

You stick together, wrong or right

 

6 Word Stories pt.9

So basically the biggest thing I learned about myself this week is that I am now officially Old™. We went to a concert (on a Wednesday night. What sort of concert is on a Wednesday?), and doors opened at 7, so I figure, opening act is done by 8 at the latest, it’s a small venue, so we’re probably out of there by 10:30, right? Not right. The main act didn’t come on until after 10. I am usually very sleepy by 10. Luckily, it was a punk show, so between the dancing and singing and screaming, I stayed awake. Also, the show was definitely worth it, but I still hold my ground that going to bed at a reasonable hour is totally Punk Rock!

  • They like my special interest project!!!
  • Relieved to find a useful doctor.
  • Seeing bands is worth the overload.
  • Getting enough sleep is totally punk
  • Rainbow sprinkles make all things better
  • I handled unexpected guests surprisingly well
  • Too bad solving puzzles isn’t employable