Faint Haiku’s

I have a neurological disorder called Dysautonomia, specifically a type called Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (POTS). Dysautonomia means Autonomic Nervous System Dysfunction, and POTS means that when I go from sitting to standing, my heart rate jumps, causing me to become dizzy, and eventually faint. I developed Dysautonomia in my early 20’s, and it’s had a serious impact on my life

 

A Collection of Faint Haiku’s 

 

My feet on the floor

Heart pounds, head spins. Dizziness.

Be careful not to fall

 

Tachycardia

Heart rate rises, sit down now

No one likes to faint

 

How to stop a flair?

Compression socks and saline

Tons of sodium

 

Help, I’m going down

A grey out, black out, pass out

I’m on the floor now

 

The room starts to spin

Not enough blood in my brain

Profound nerve damage

Simmering Acrostic 

Simmering Acrostic 

Sometimes I let things simmer instead of dealing with them.

It can be tempting to think that this a good decision.

My brain has an anxiety side, an eating disorder side, an autism side.

Mostly these sides know that processing things is the right thing to do.

Every once and a while though they forget that simmering is not the same as being ok.

Rolling boils were once simmers, and I need to remind myself of that more often.

Identity: Nothing

When I saw Identity I thought

Well that’s perfect

Identity is all I write about.

But I thought and I thought and I found

Nothing.

I dug deeper and deeper

Through the autism

Past the eating disorder

Quietly skirting the edges of trauma

Then I swam through the murk of Lake Non-Binary

And still.

Nothing.

I can spit out a

Thousand words on fragments of myself

But they won’t fit together

And I can’t get rid of any of them because they’re

Me.

Turns out too many somethings can sometimes look like

Nothing

 

For now I am content with being

able to identify my fragments

 

And know that as long as I have them

My identity will never be

Nothing.